My Tiny Little Dancer May 12, 2012

Last night I attended my brother Kirby’s dance concert at his college. I don’t think I can verbally express how his art makes me feel. I mean of course like any ordinary older I was beaming with pride and thought he was the best dancer there. But there is something more to it. There are certain artists you watch perform and you find that your mind, body and spirit have been pulled into their performance. My brother does that to me when he dances. It’s an absolutely enjoyable experience.

Kirby and I are 9 years apart, and naturally being a mama bear, he was more like my baby than my little brother. I’ve been his sister, his teacher, his partner in crime, his chef, his student, his guardian, his friend and his bodyguard! There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my siblings. One of the best things about moving back to Los Angeles is being back with them and Jax experiencing that dynamic we share. Jax is now obsessed with all kinds of dance after being inspired by Kirby performing his ballet company in the fall. I feel blessed that he’s pulling inspiration from all the gifts around him at such a young age.It feels like Kirby did the same growing up. Kirby seems to have taken something from the older three of us, made it his own and made it better. Sometimes I look at him and I’m just beyond words. Like for instance, last night. He was epic. He was enchanting. He was engaging. He was supreme. He was just being Kirby and it was a privilege to be able to witness true raw art.

Life Soundtrack May 5, 2012

MCA from the Beastie Boys passed away yesterday and my heart just sank. In the past three years some of the most influential singers, musicians, artists… people who literally created the soundtrack of my childhood have passed away. Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys. These were CD’s that got me through the mean girls in junior high, my parent’s divorce, first kisses & loves, discovering hair under my armpits! And these people are gone! I mean it was a trip to have to endure the pain of losing Biggie, Pac, Cobain and Aaliyah all within a few short years of one another in the middle of me discovering myself as a teenager. Now I just wonder am I getting old? Is this what happens when you get old, the makers of the music & art you cherish just begin to pass away on you? Do you start discovering new music? How does this work? Because it’s those tween & teen years that you take to figure out what kind of music you like and where you’re artistic tastes lie. I’m damn near thirty, why should I change now? And when did this music become classic or old school? At first I thought it was the becoming a mother that made me old. But now I realize, I’m just old! HAHA!

Man, it’s a trip to think that these pioneers, these true innovators and musical geniuses are gone from this earth. All three of those angels I mentioned trail blazed the music industry with fearlessness and so many different types of talent, no one was ready for them. I think people forget that the Beastie Boys were more than novelty White Rap Group, they pushed for Hip Hop to cross over and get the recognition it deserved by the world. The Beastie Boys, Run DMC, LL Cool J like so many other Hip Hop legends proved that the Hip Hop was more than just a genre or a bunch of words spoken to music, but a lifestyle and feeling and community. Whitney Houston helped little brown girls like me believe that brown girls were beautiful to everyone. She also showed us that your life doesn’t stop and end with one talent, that humans are beautiful multi talent, multi dimensional characters that will be successful at anything as long as you persevere and believe in yourself. And what can I say about Michael Jackson? If you think he was just a guy who could hit high notes and glide across a stage, you were dead wrong! All of these artists were more than just music. All artists are more than just music. They inspire through their art and through their lives. Building bridges, breaking glass ceilings, entertaining people, bringing joy to people worldwide, connecting cultures. I once heard someone say, “What’s the big deal about The Beatles? They were just four guys who played guitar and had a couple of hits! Nothing to get too excited about!” I immediately felt sorry for that person. Music & art go beyond just people singing notes and playing instruments. Not only does it stimulate the brain, but it invokes emotion and creates an environment for you to live. The fact that you can hear a song and remember exactly what you were doing, where you were and sometimes the way it smelled says something.

Losing artists like Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Aaliyah, Tupac, Whitney Houston is not just a tragedy for music. It’s a loss for all humanity. We will miss all the things that could have come from them and treasure all the blessings they left behind. Thank you to all the musical angels for the amazing Life Soundtrack! Rest with Angels!

Helping The President Help You May 3, 2012

Four years ago we all rallied together promoting change through marches, banners & great bumper stickers. And now I’m starting to wonder what change people were expecting. Sometimes if folks simply got caught up in the idea of a black man becoming president and in the magic of the time. I know at times I did get swept away in the possibilities in having a true representation of Black America in the White House. I remember walking down the street to vote listening to A Change Is Gonna Come on my iPod with tears in my eyes. I can recall the feeling of knowing the my future will never know a time when a black man has not been leader of the free world. I guess I can say that at times during the 2008 election we lost ourselves and forgot exactly WHY Barack Obama had decided to run.

Well thank goodness he didn’t forget! Although he has been fought and picked apart by both parties on just about every little thing down to the choice of color of socks. The fact that he was able to accomplish anything is amazing. At heart he is a community leader, and we Americans are one big community. President Obama is not the Messiah or a miracle worker. His job is to lead the people. He can’t help us if we don’t help him help us! I mean he can fight for health insurance, new jobs and better education all he wants, but if we don’t take advantage of these opportunities then there is no point. If we don’t help our neighbors and our communities, what can he really do from his chair in the Oval Office. If we don’t BE THE CHANGE, then we’re just paying him to sign a bunch of useless forms all day with very expensive pens.

The White House has just announced the Presidents push for jobs with the Summer Jobs initiative. The President called upon businesses, non-profits and government to provide summer jobs for low-income students and young people. So after four years about complaining about needing jobs and a better outlook for our youth, he has put a plan into action. Now it’s time for us to stand up for ourselves and take advantage of it. People tend to think if you support the President’s initiatives you are supporting him. What people fail to realize is the initiatives and laws are put in place for us. Supporting them is showing support for YOURSELF! Take the time to check out the info and spread the word about the new Summer Jobs Initiative. If you are an employer looking for interns, mentees & employers you can get involved here. This isn’t about policy, it’s about changing this country and helping our youth invest in their futures. Things won’t change until we do! Our youth need more than hope, they need solutions. Here is a solution. Take advantage!

Thank You Mr. President!

Keep up with what is happening with our country and what is coming from The White House. Stay Informed!

www.whitehouse.gov

@whitehouse

Don’t forget to register to Vote!!!

I’m Alive…Yes, I Am…I’m Alive April 20, 2012

Please read my post from my other blog about living with Colitis and making the decision to have a Colectomy:

I’m Alive…Yes, I Am…I’m Alive.

Trayvon Martin could have been my son…or yours! March 16, 2012

PLEASE PLEASE read my post on Trayvon Martin and the petition started by his parents to bring his murderer to justice.

This can’t get lost in the shuffle or die down. This man killed this boy in cold blood without cause. Neighborhood Watch is not a program to bring fear or act out any vigilente fantasies! George Zimmerman should have been protecting Trayvon Martin, not shooting him!

If you are not familiar with the case, please read below, visit my post on Crazy Creole Mommy Chronicles & sign the petition! You really want change here at home, make the change!

On February 26, our son Trayvon Martin was shot and killed as he walked to a family member’s home from a convenience store where he had just bought some candy. He was only 17 years-old.

Trayvon’s killer, George Zimmerman, admitted to police that he shot Trayvon in the chest. Zimmerman, the community’s self appointed “neighborhood watch leader,” called the police to report a suspicious person when he saw Travyon, a young black man, walking from the store. But Zimmerman still hasn’t been charged for murdering our son.

Trayvon was our hero. At the age 9, Trayvon pulled his father from a burning kitchen, saving his life. He loved sports and horseback riding. At only 17 he had a bright future ahead of him with dreams of attending college and becoming an aviation mechanic. Now that’s all gone.

When Zimmerman reported Trayvon to the police, they told him not to confront him. But he did anyway. All we know about what happened next is that our 17 year-old son, who was completely unarmed, was shot and killed.

It’s been nearly two weeks and the Sanford Police have refused to arrest George Zimmerman. In their public statements, they even go so far as to stand up for the killer – saying he’s “a college grad” who took a class in criminal justice.

Please join us in calling on Norman Wolfinger, Florida’s 18th District State’s Attorney, to investigate my son’s murder and prosecute George Zimmerman for the shooting and killing of Trayvon Martin.

Trayvon Martin could have been my son…or yours!.

6 Month Anniversary February 10, 2012

I was watching Good Morning America this morning and they had three guys on there proposing to their girlfriends on live tv! Watching things like that use to make break down in pitiful puddles of despair. This morning it sparked a smile. I was genuinely happy for them and then a very happy memory came to mind.

For our first Christmas together, just four months after our first date, Steven made a bold proclamation and promise to me. Christmas Day night, after family breakfasts & dinners, unwrapping presents, mounds of desserts and tons of laughter, he became serious in his candlelit room. He pulled me close and looked me with teary eyes saying, “Brooke, when I was a little boy I prayed to God to bring me a wife when I became a man. The woman I prayed for is you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. You’re my best friend. You saved my life. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come into my life. I want you to be my wife. You’re the woman I’ve been waiting for.” I remember that moment like it was yesterday. The butterflies, the never ending smiles, the tears. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. However, there was no ring. There also wasn’t an official asking… It was more of a declaration, a promise.

For the next three years I hung onto that promise along with all the other hints he dropped and bones he dangled. With every major decision we made;having our son, stopping my career to be a stay at home mom, moving to Texas; I reminded myself of that night. I allowed people to give us titles we didn’t have yet. I took giant leaps of faith because I believed in us, I believed in him and kept him at his word. I even spent last holiday season going with him to jewelry stores, picking out my three favorite rings and giving him the suggestions. We made wedding plans, going so far as picking locations, saving money, making plans to have his father perform the ceremony. I was his wife to our son’s teacher, his fiancé to his boss, his domestic partner on facebook, his girlfriend to his friends and his son’s mother to women he flirted with. We were living in a world of confusion, empty promises, miscommunication and blind faith. I lived in a world where we were working and building toward greatness & ever lasting love. I’m still not sure what world he was living in. And just as quickly as he fell in love with me and asked me to be apart of his life forever, he fell out of love with me and asked me to leave his life. As shocked as I was with that pseudo marriage proposal, I was even more shocked that it was over. In a flash, without a thought or blink, the woman he prayed for became replaced by a women he lusted after.

The embarrassment was overwhelming! I had spent years claiming this amazing relationship where I had found my best friend, lover and soul mate all in one person. I gave him titles and apart of me based on a single promise to make a promise to make a vow to love me forever. The boy didn’t have to work for a single thing! After that Christmas Night he had it all! Loyalty, dedication, fidelity, faith, love, trust, and raw honesty without hesitation. And it was all over. I was a black woman under thirty who had never been married and was now a single mother with no job. I was a statistic.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that he didn’t mean it at the time or didn’t mean up until he asked me to leave. I don’t know. And really it doesn’t matter. I loved every minute of us. If I had changed one thing I wouldnt have my son. I wouldn’t have had the experience of moving to Texas. I wouldn’t have had all the great moments of fun we shared. I mean looking back what we shared was incredibly special and beautiful and nothing can take that away. I remember hugging him in the airport that day, everyone crying, taking one last look at him with my baby in my arms and then heading down the breezeway feeling like a failure, my life was over and wishing it was 6 months from now. Because I just knew in 6 months, it would maybe hurt occasionally, but it wouldn’t be devastating.

It’s now been 6 months. And you know what, it isn’t devastating. It stings occasionally, but it doesn’t hurt. There is a point you get to when you can talk about that person or things you shared without getting angry or sad. Sometimes it comes in 6 months, sometimes it takes years. Well I had a child and my youth, I didn’t have time to waste having a pity party or being bitter. That’s when you block your blessings, and I have been so blessed. Too blessed to be sour over spilled milk. Sure there are days I look at videos and pictures and remember how happy we were, how much fun we had and how much love we shared as a family and couple and sometimes it stings to think that’s over. But for the most part I feel so grateful that I had that! Some people don’t ever get to experience that kind of happiness.

It wasn’t easy! It took a lot of prayer. A LOT OF PRAYER! But I was determined to not allow this to swallow me up. Part of it was I felt that he didn’t deserve to continue to have me, and wallowing in pity was still giving him control over our relationship. I had to get over the embarrassment. I had to realize that I wasn’t the first woman to have a baby with a man before getting married. I had to stop blaming myself or allowing him to blame me. I had to remember the goodness in our relationship. I had to own my real part in the demise of our relationship and work on it . I also felt that I deserved love and commitment, but I can’t get that if I longed for something that wasn’t for me anymore. I had to be honest with myself about our relationship. I had to be honest with myself about what our relationship was and what it is now. How I felt about him then and how I felt now. I had to stop waiting for a apology or for words I knew would never come. I had to stop looking for the potential and start looking at things & people for what they really are. Most of all I had to put me and my son first and give us a fresh start!

So here I am six months later. I’m alive, breathing and I’m good. I’m dating. I’m a size 2. Career is back up and running. Tears have been replaced by laughter. My son is adjusting. I’m good. Am I completely recovered? No. Who can recover from a 3 year relationship in 6 months? Am I happy? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. But fear has lit a fire under me to change the things I needed to change and has brought optimism. Sounds weird. It feels weird, but it’s true. I’m no longer looking back. I’m just waiting for whatever surprise is suppose to drop in my lap now! I believe I will find that kind of love again…and this time it will be ever lasting. The next declaration will end with a question and the answer will end with a vow and the vow will end when the last breath is taken.

Bringing Somethin’ Soulful to V-Day February 8, 2012

My two out of the three of my younger brothers make up R&B group, Jake&Papa. On Tuesday February 14th they are dropping their second mixtape as the dynamic duo entitled, Somethin’ Soulful. I know a lot of their fans have been captivated by the singles, Kiss Em Off & My Baby from the new mixtape title, but there more amazing songs on it! I know, because I’ve heard them! LOL! Now a lot of people always tell me, well of course you like it, you’re their big sister. Yes I am their big sister, but I’m also a product and employee of the entertainment industry. There are a lot of artists I know and love dearly that do a lot of projects I support and sometimes don’t. Just because not all of their projects are great… but when they do have great ones that they are proud of and I enjoy, I put my personal stamp on it! Well, I’m putting my personal stamp on this one! Jake&Papa’s Somethin’ Soulful is just great R&B music, period! I would encourage you to see for yourself, you never know you make like one or two numbers!

Now when the album drops, the boys will also be performing some songs off the mixtape as well as some special hits that inspire them and we all love. If you’re in LA on Valentine’s Day, still looking for something to do with your boo thang or alone, come on by The Mint and catch the show!

The Somethin’ Soulful Experience: A Night w/ Jake&Papa and Friends

Valentines Day 2012

doors open at 10:30pm. show starts 11pm

$8 presale. $10 at the door

610 W Pico Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca 90035

Pre-sale tickets —-> http://t.co/xiDGBqRX

JumpStart January 31, 2012

A fire has been ignited with ashes for coals

in an empty hole for a fireplace with a passion that was believed to be dead

buried by betrayal and ugly words you found me beautiful

Your smile melted the ice entrapping

my weary soul

My eyes glisten today

My stomach flutters with the light of a message flickering on my screen

You found the path to me

Nothing for sure

just reassurance that I am in fact a woman

that I am alive

that I breathe passion and love still though another could not see it

The heat coming from your words have broken my chains of

guilt and confusion

I am free to smile

I am free to feel

I am free to dress, text and scream

You found the woman in me

You found her to be beautiful and sexy

You found her heart and her smile

and brought her back to life

You’ve jumpstarted the passion in me

I have not a clue if you will stay to watch me bloom in the spring

but I don’t mind

You’re here now with your words and your smile

You found the woman in me and jumpstarted her heart

She thanks you for guiding her back home

ReLearning Love January 28, 2012

My pal Billy Shakespeare wrote, “The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth.” Never were there truer words written, Billy my boy! That road is bumpy and windy, filled with open roads where you feel free and bumper to bumper traffic where you’re ready to jump off the side of the freeway! Why and how? I mean love is such a wonderful beautiful thing to share. And when it’s going great, you feel so powerful and gorgeous. However, when that goes bad… it feels like someone has stolen a part of your soul and did the dougie all over it.

The first few months are so incredibly blissful and blinding and mystifying. So what happens? The person who seemed so perfect and angelic begins to burp and fart, cry and whine and pimple will emerge somewhere at some point. And suddenly you find yourself standing at a fork in the road. You can go skipping back into the land of Singledom or you can cover your eyes and feel your way down the path of love. Suddenly the work begins. The talking and the passion. More talking and understanding. Then a little planning and more talking. I bet people who have been married for 40 years realize that they’ve spent most of their lifetime talking! I never talked so much in my whole life than I did when I was with my ex. Whether we were talking about bills, or the baby, or each other, or what we just laughed about on tv, we were constantly TALKING! But you have to wonder, looking back on the fact that we are no longer together, were we talking and listening? Or were we just talking?

What is happening nowadays with relationships and commitment? It seems like a lot of people are talking, but they aren’t really listening. Either they’re not listening or they aren’t talking to each other about things that matter. The emotion of love will not do the diligent work of maintaining an open communicative understanding of your partner’s needs. At some point you have to help love last. Love will always exist, but staying in love, is totally different. Finding a new way to love your partner, to motivate your partner and inspire them takes work and creativity. Finding one thing to fall in love with and stay in love with that, will never work. People grow and evolve and with their growth, your love should evolve as well. Each day I found a new reason and different way to love my ex. He had grown and change so much since we first met, but that to me was the beauty about being with him. I watched his growth. And there were some changes that bothered me or weren’t exactly attractive, but those things made him who he was and the beauty outweighed the ugly. I’m not saying it’s easy. But to stay focused on the initial reason you fell in love with someone is only handicapping your emotions. That person they were when they met you has grown into someone who you can love and hold dear for however long you decide to share love.

Perhaps that is what is wrong with people now and why it seems like people are falling out of relationships & breaking up families like it’s the thing to do. Everyone is so focused on one thing. People actually make the decision to marry someone based on a single attribute that person has at that moment and HOPE it will grow and it will continue to always be that. It’s weird that in a world where technology and education is advancing at an alarming rate, people are deathly afraid of change! We make these life changing decisions that affect many people around us without much thought or respect. Then we jump out just as quickly as we jumped in. We hastily make decisions & pass judgements. We live separate lives under the same roof. We talk talk talk, but don’t seem to be talking truths and listening to truths. We hide from ourselves to make things a certain way and then act surprised when they fall apart.

So what do we do? Well I know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna listen. Not just to words, but action. We say we want lasting love, but do we really wanna do the work to make it last. Not last in bliss, but true love. Where you love through the darkness and fog of uncertainty. Where you love through the fire, rain and sunshine. You can’t count true happiness by the first few months… it’s after years of really truly loving. I’m re-learning what it is to really love someone and help them love you back. To create something together. Not saying that you can use this method on anyone and love will last. I’m just saying if you have all the makings of a lasting love, do the work. That’s the best way to love that person! It’s meant to be if you really want it. There will be times, maybe many times when you will have the makings and it just doesn’t work out. Don’t dwell! Move on and figure it out. Keep positive and don’t block your blessings! And when a blessing falls in your lap, do your best.

Keeping my eyes open, arms extended and heart unleashed!

Official Unofficial Crush January 19, 2012

Make sense? Why would anything that has to do with feelings or love or any of that stuff make any freakin’ sense? It just doesn’t make sense! Period! No! Nope! No sense! A while back I was shoved back into the dating scene without a say on whether or not I wanted to be back in. Armed with a suitcase of child, stretch marks, a broken heart, post breast-feeding breasts, shorter hair and no guidebook on dating in the world of twitter, FourSquare & Facebook! The only thing I had going for me was my size 2 designer denim pants & the driver’s license that let the world know I hadn’t hit 30 yet. I was back in my city and didn’t even know how to keep the gaze of a man! I stumbled and fumbled my way through conversations and drinks with men while toy cellphones and pacifiers stumbled out of my purse on to the bar table scarring them sterile! Meanwhile my email, Facebook, twitter & cell phone are blowing up with messages from past hopefuls smelling the single on me and hoping to jump in and solidify their spot in my heart again or maybe for the first time! But after much thought, I realized that the girl they were chasing was the girl pre-steven/pre-jaxon/pre-awakening Brooke. That Brooke wasn’t even sure if a marriage was possible! That Brooke NEVER thought she could ever be a housewife or stay-at-home mom! That Brooke didn’t think she could pay attention to the same man for more than a month without getting bored! That Brooke loved herself and no one else!

So I had to think real hard. Who was I, now? I mean, I know who I am as a person and what I am as far as being a mom and what direction I was going. But who was I as a woman? What was I looking for? Did I want the complete opposite of Steven? Did I want the same exact person as Steven? What did I even find an attractive anymore?! Ugh! I was in a very confusing place! I know I was tired of dating in Hollywood. But at the same time I felt like finding love outside of Hollywood led me to Steven which ended up not working out! To most people outside of Hollywood, what we do is either not “normal” work or work at all! And actually that was one of the last things he said to me on the subject of our relationship, that I was too caught up in missing LA and wouldn’t just get a normal job! I’d consider working 12-14 hours standing on my feet, creating, pushing paper, and collecting a check a normal job…but you know, what do I know, right?! So dating out of Hollywood was out of the question…right? Maybe not! My best friend and big sister is an actress who fell in love with a man who is so far removed the entertainment business it’s hilarious, and somehow they make it work. They make it work very well! So it gave me some hope. It also gave me some courage to do just what she did, join match.com!

Yea, yea, laugh if you want to! But you know what I’ve met some great potential guys that I have enjoyed speaking with and meeting! It’s actually taken my circle and opened it up to so many other possibilities. Have I found love?! Not yet! However I have found a cutie pie, sweet guy that I’m just absolutely crushing over. You know that blushing, tickle tummy, broad smile feeling you get when someone calls or texts, yea that! Nothing serious or even frivolous, just nice. It’s nice to chat with someone about kids, life and politics. It’s nice to be crushed on and adored through sentiments & action. I’m taking it day by day and enjoy whatever it brings with no expectations. The one thing I find people do is begin to compare their current situation to their previous situation and try to fix this relationship before it even begins. Or they take time to “focus on themselves” but their just guarding themselves from love. One thing I won’t do is block the blessings coming my way. Who knows what could happen! He could crush my heart worse than Steven. He could be the greatest love I’ll ever know. It may not go anywhere at all! But I’m not going to create the ending before it even begins.

I mean I don’t know what the hell I’m doing! But who really does! The last time I let go and let God I ended up in a relationship for three years where I created a beautiful family and gave a kind of love I didn’t even know I had in me. Yes it ended, but it wasn’t a failure because we built something and created something great. It was meant to be so that Jaxon could be born and be the great the little person he is! And that was all God! So I figure he did such a great job last time, I’ll let him take the wheel this time again! I mean, after all, He is GOD! I think he might know what he’s doing!