The first few months are so incredibly blissful and blinding and mystifying. So what happens? The person who seemed so perfect and angelic begins to burp and fart, cry and whine and pimple will emerge somewhere at some point. And suddenly you find yourself standing at a fork in the road. You can go skipping back into the land of Singledom or you can cover your eyes and feel your way down the path of love. Suddenly the work begins. The talking and the passion. More talking and understanding. Then a little planning and more talking. I bet people who have been married for 40 years realize that they’ve spent most of their lifetime talking! I never talked so much in my whole life than I did when I was with my ex. Whether we were talking about bills, or the baby, or each other, or what we just laughed about on tv, we were constantly TALKING! But you have to wonder, looking back on the fact that we are no longer together, were we talking and listening? Or were we just talking?

What is happening nowadays with relationships and commitment? It seems like a lot of people are talking, but they aren’t really listening. Either they’re not listening or they aren’t talking to each other about things that matter. The emotion of love will not do the diligent work of maintaining an open communicative understanding of your partner’s needs. At some point you have to help love last. Love will always exist, but staying in love, is totally different. Finding a new way to love your partner, to motivate your partner and inspire them takes work and creativity. Finding one thing to fall in love with and stay in love with that, will never work. People grow and evolve and with their growth, your love should evolve as well. Each day I found a new reason and different way to love my ex. He had grown and change so much since we first met, but that to me was the beauty about being with him. I watched his growth. And there were some changes that bothered me or weren’t exactly attractive, but those things made him who he was and the beauty outweighed the ugly. I’m not saying it’s easy. But to stay focused on the initial reason you fell in love with someone is only handicapping your emotions. That person they were when they met you has grown into someone who you can love and hold dear for however long you decide to share love.

Perhaps that is what is wrong with people now and why it seems like people are falling out of relationships & breaking up families like it’s the thing to do. Everyone is so focused on one thing. People actually make the decision to marry someone based on a single attribute that person has at that moment and HOPE it will grow and it will continue to always be that. It’s weird that in a world where technology and education is advancing at an alarming rate, people are deathly afraid of change! We make these life changing decisions that affect many people around us without much thought or respect. Then we jump out just as quickly as we jumped in. We hastily make decisions & pass judgements. We live separate lives under the same roof. We talk talk talk, but don’t seem to be talking truths and listening to truths. We hide from ourselves to make things a certain way and then act surprised when they fall apart.

So what do we do? Well I know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna listen. Not just to words, but action. We say we want lasting love, but do we really wanna do the work to make it last. Not last in bliss, but true love. Where you love through the darkness and fog of uncertainty. Where you love through the fire, rain and sunshine. You can’t count true happiness by the first few months… it’s after years of really truly loving. I’m re-learning what it is to really love someone and help them love you back. To create something together. Not saying that you can use this method on anyone and love will last. I’m just saying if you have all the makings of a lasting love, do the work. That’s the best way to love that person! It’s meant to be if you really want it. There will be times, maybe many times when you will have the makings and it just doesn’t work out. Don’t dwell! Move on and figure it out. Keep positive and don’t block your blessings! And when a blessing falls in your lap, do your best.

Keeping my eyes open, arms extended and heart unleashed!

So I had to think real hard. Who was I, now? I mean, I know who I am as a person and what I am as far as being a mom and what direction I was going. But who was I as a woman? What was I looking for? Did I want the complete opposite of Steven? Did I want the same exact person as Steven? What did I even find an attractive anymore?! Ugh! I was in a very confusing place! I know I was tired of dating in Hollywood. But at the same time I felt like finding love outside of Hollywood led me to Steven which ended up not working out! To most people outside of Hollywood, what we do is either not “normal” work or work at all! And actually that was one of the last things he said to me on the subject of our relationship, that I was too caught up in missing LA and wouldn’t just get a normal job! I’d consider working 12-14 hours standing on my feet, creating, pushing paper, and collecting a check a normal job…but you know, what do I know, right?! So dating out of Hollywood was out of the question…right? Maybe not! My best friend and big sister is an actress who fell in love with a man who is so far removed the entertainment business it’s hilarious, and somehow they make it work. They make it work very well! So it gave me some hope. It also gave me some courage to do just what she did, join match.com!

Yea, yea, laugh if you want to! But you know what I’ve met some great potential guys that I have enjoyed speaking with and meeting! It’s actually taken my circle and opened it up to so many other possibilities. Have I found love?! Not yet! However I have found a cutie pie, sweet guy that I’m just absolutely crushing over. You know that blushing, tickle tummy, broad smile feeling you get when someone calls or texts, yea that! Nothing serious or even frivolous, just nice. It’s nice to chat with someone about kids, life and politics. It’s nice to be crushed on and adored through sentiments & action. I’m taking it day by day and enjoy whatever it brings with no expectations. The one thing I find people do is begin to compare their current situation to their previous situation and try to fix this relationship before it even begins. Or they take time to “focus on themselves” but their just guarding themselves from love. One thing I won’t do is block the blessings coming my way. Who knows what could happen! He could crush my heart worse than Steven. He could be the greatest love I’ll ever know. It may not go anywhere at all! But I’m not going to create the ending before it even begins.

I mean I don’t know what the hell I’m doing! But who really does! The last time I let go and let God I ended up in a relationship for three years where I created a beautiful family and gave a kind of love I didn’t even know I had in me. Yes it ended, but it wasn’t a failure because we built something and created something great. It was meant to be so that Jaxon could be born and be the great the little person he is! And that was all God! So I figure he did such a great job last time, I’ll let him take the wheel this time again! I mean, after all, He is GOD! I think he might know what he’s doing!

The strength of Rikkii’s parents and her family to fight Tony’s cancer even when his doctors and everyone else gave up on him, was nothing short of inspirational! He proved that the ability to fight to live, even if it’s for another hour is very possible. They gave him four months almost two years ago, and he decided he just wasn’t ready to go. I am amazed and inspired by the four of them. It always seem like you can never find the right words to say to a family during a time like this because the pain is great. I just ask that you join me in praying for their family. Because no matter how much you feel you prepare yourself for someone’s death, it’s still extremely hard when it finally comes to pass. All my love!

Take a little time to hug your children, loved ones and friends today! Really everyday! Everyday you should try a little harder to have more love & peace in your life! We only get one shot at life, it’s a beautiful thing to share, so continue to live! Take nothing for granted! Enjoy your time on this earth!

xoox

Put aside who made the film. Put aside who wouldn’t make the film. Put aside your personal feelings about Lucas or the major studio & distribution companies. You, I , We should all know this story! We should know more than black men weren’t allowed to fight in many US wars so there were only a select few in history that made an impact. We should know more than this was the push into the civil rights movement that we needed! We should know how they won their battles, just how amazing they were at their jobs and who these men were! We should know them because their fight, their passions, their education is apart of us. Yes, their courage to stand up and be the best helped pave an easier road to be able to choose where we live, work, and who we love. But beyond that, their courage should be an inspiration to us to be better than we ever thought we could be. Their fight should be ignite a spark in us to fight for whatever it is we believe in, to fulfill our dreams in passions. In a day and age where children are fighting for a light and hope in a social media vacuum of darkness and lowliness, a story about a group of men finding the courage to fight for a country where most people didn’t believe that had souls, can bring them hope to fight another day! These men were Americans, before they were Airmen and they were children of God before they were black! Their story deserves to be told!

I’m going on Friday January 20th to see Red Tails. I will take my 2 year old son! In 10 years I will sit him down with the Blu-Ray disc and we will watch it again. After he is done, I will tell him that he once saw it with me on opening day in the theatre and was apart of history. Then I will send him upstairs to google The Tuskegee Airmen, The Tuskegee Experiment and The Tuskegee Air Academy and write me a paper on what he learned from them about being an American, about being black then and now, about what inspired him, and what it means to be a human being. These are stories he has to know! Not just to grow up and be a successful BLACK man, but stories he has to know to be a successful man! I hope that you too will join me on January 20th and take your children. Not just to support Lucas or Neyo or stick it to the man. I hope that you go so you can share another American story of courage, inspiration and history with your child! We always talk about The American Dream, wondering where it is or where it went. It’s here! Seek it out and share it!

I’ve spent my time digesting, working through and understanding my grief about the break up of my relationship. I spent so much time saying that I was mourning the break up of my family, and not realizing that no matter how far away I get from my ex romantically, he and I will always have the blessing of being apart of a family through this amazing little person we are raising. And that’s when the light came through and it damn near knocked me off my feet making me feel stupid. I’ve been spending all these months focusing on the horrible, that I forgot my blessings. So I decided that everyday I would take 10 minutes in the morning and at night to count my blessings! I don’t mean those typical, I have my health & I’m alive blessings that we just tend to say to make us feel not so shitty. I physically take a moment to breathe and write down all that you are blessed with.

1. My son is reading, I had a hand in that.

2. Both of my parents are alive, and I have a great relationship with one of them

3. The rent was paid and I was able to fill the car with a full tank of gas

4. I had some really amazing meetings full of opportunity this week

5. My hair has grown faster than its grown in years

6. I got to sleep in later this morning

7. I got a sweet text from a boy I like

8. I had three years of love and companionship

9. I’m back in my home time

10. I was able to take a nap today undisturbed

Okay so these are just examples and some of them may seem silly, but when you sit back and write everything out and then read them over out loud, it’s truly hard to find something to complain about. It’s almost like you realize that when it comes down to it, I mean really comes down to it, there is nothing that you can’t work through or make it a better situation with a little work and belief. I mean bullshit happens and it happens to everyone, but when you surround yourself with you, you won’t be able to really climb out of it. All the negative things that have been thrown my way this week seems to roll off my back because I realize, it just isn’t that serious and no one can really steal my joy. How can they do that when I am so blessed and I have a list to prove it! Try a different perspective. I’m just saying… you never know, it may help! Just believe! See where it gets you!

Just check it out and see what you think. What he has now is a taste… I’ve seen the preview for his Spring line, y’all are gonna wanna stay tuned!!!

Here’s the deal, she either killed that baby and tried to cover it up! OR that baby had an accident and she tried to cover it up. Either way completely disgusted by her. Whatever the case is, she’s clearly a sociopath! Anyone who can party after such a horrific event is clearly disconnected from their feelings and there is NO room for sympathy. She’s clearly leaking these videos and photos, worried about weaving back into the real world looking for redemption and sympathy.
Seriously? Really?? As a mother, as a woman and as a human being I am completely disgusted and scared of this woman! Wouldn’t even want her looking at my child! She needs help! I don’t understand why those who are “helping” her are not really helping her. Her redemption is not gonna come from the imperfect humans of the nation but from the higher power she believes in, from the spirit of her child that will haunt.
Not to say that most of y’all are sociopaths, but u believe she can be used as an example for those who are always living for what others think of us! Yes this is an extreme case, but think about it. After everything she has been through, all the death threats she is surely receiving every hour, she leaked images of herself, exposing herself and endangering her life to gain acceptance from people that she HAS to know she will never win over. But being liked Ben though she has done wrong is more important than being truly remorseful or her safety. So many people are constantly doing things that jeopardize themselves to please or gain acceptance from others before trying to really get right from within!!

So I think it’s safe to say we can actually learn a lesson from Casey Anthony. The lesson is, look within and find peace there. Real peace, accept responsibility for your actions before you ask for forgiveness from others. Otherwise you’ll be living in false realities for the rest of your life.

And on another note….I really really really want this woman to go away! She should be underneath a jail! There are stable, loving, nurturing people out there being picked apart and going bankrupt to become parents, but anybody can get knocked up and be forced to care for another life! There is nothing wrong with giving your baby up to another family that will love that baby with all the love, respect and nurturing they deserve! It’s wrong if you keep that child, neglect, abuse or parade that child around like a trophy! There is no prize waiting for you just because you kept a child! Do the responsible and loving thing and give that child up for adoption. That child’s true family is waiting for them, I promise!

If caps don’t interest you, my mom also has her own line of custom made lotion, soy candles, glycerin bath gel, room infusers as well as jewelry by other local artisans for sale in her salon/boutique. You CAN NOT get these items on sale at ETSY, but she will take orders through email with a credit card purchase and will send anywhere in the country! I use her lotion in my daily regimen for the fresh scent and my ex burned her candles constantly because the scent was fresh and not too fruity! In essence, her stuff is pretty delish! And it’s reasonably priced. Visit her ETSY page or send her a quick email and place your order!

SHOP AT D BY V AT DAYDREAMS BY VALERIE HARRELL ONLY ON ETSY.COM

Handcrafted and custom made items only at DayDreams Salon & Boutique

One thing I have learned is that you have no control over what people think of you. You just don’t! You can do everything and anything they ask, and it’s quite possible that they will find fault either because they want to or they just don’t appreciate your effort. And that’s okay! It can be frustrating and hurtful but it’s okay, you know you did the right thing and you only have control over your actions and your heart.

I’ve also learned a lot about love. I once believed that people were just meant for each other and if they were then, well it would work itself out. Sadly, I think my partner believed the same thing. But that’s not necessarily true. Yes people walk into your life for reasons and it could be that your love is strong and meant to be. But you have to work at it! You just do! Period! Relationships…ever lasting partnerships take work! The love will always be there, but the work is hard and has to be done. If you aren’t willing to work at being a true partner to your mate, then what are you doing?! Being true in your thoughts, your heart, your soul and your words is so important! Basically, innocent flirting can cause distractions and force you to misplace your loyality to your mate and to your family. Giving your all doesn’t just mean secluding yourself from the world and diving into “family life”. Giving your all is bringing something to the table. Creating dreams and goals and sticking to them together. Communicating and loving that person the way they needed to be love. Quieting outside distractions and tuning into your lover’s silent needs and fulfilling them. I also learned that just because you had an amazing love once….it doesn’t mean you won’t have it again. And I know I will have my greatest love soon!

I don’t know if 2012 will bring my great love or tons of riches… but I will continue to be successful in life, love and mommy hood! Start the new year with a plan, but don’t be afraid to bend and fold, let go and grab a hold, move forward and be free. Nothing is for sure! Nothing is perfect! Find the light and the hope in everything! Take a deep breath tonight and get ready for the ride!

ENJOY 2012!! I know I will!